Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
