I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
