He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
