Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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