We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've blown a few things in my day
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
