i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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