i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
