Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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