I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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