i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
