PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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