I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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