I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
