Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.