I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.