how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
