What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
