I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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