Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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