am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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