i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
