____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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