Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
