New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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