so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
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dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
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FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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