She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
