How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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