So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
