you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
