Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
