I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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