I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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