I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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