i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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