I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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