I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
