It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
