She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
