Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
