Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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