She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
