Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
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As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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