dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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