T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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