well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
