Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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