she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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