I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize