If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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