Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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