the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In other news, I just burned my penis
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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