So many bounce houses so little time
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
