He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
