I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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