"it" just moved
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
