I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
