you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i will never coherently bang her
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
