I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
