You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
