He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
